Family Dynamics – Adapting to Life Roles
In every living system a certain dynamics develops. It can be the system of a work environment, like a company, it can be a school system or it can be a family system, etc. The moment people are working or living together their interactions and behaviours start creating a dynamics between them, which after a while make the system work/function smooth. If the functionality is not achieved over a period of time, the system disintegrates and falls apart. A non functioning system is bound to break down sooner or later.
A family is an organic system. It grows step by step and develops a dynamics from the beginning.
When born into our family system we all try to fit in and find our place within the system. We all want to belong. Depending whether we are born as the first child, the last child or somewhere in the middle we will have a different role within the system. The parental expectations on a first child are different than on the last child. The role we will choose for ourselves will depend on many outer and inner parameters.
It is meaningful to find out about our roles we have learned and identified with in our original family (the family we grew up in). Investigating the roles we have acted for parents, siblings and other important members of the family is enlightening. For example you might have learned to act as mummies saviour, because Daddy was emotionally unavailable and Mommy needed help. Maybe you have always stepped back for your little sister who needed Mommy more, because she was sick as a child. ….
Many of these roles might feel very natural to us since we have come to believe we are those roles. Some of these roles we might choose until today in other systems we are living or working in: being the saviour of our best girlfriend, stepping back for others at work …
Bringing awareness into the roles we have learned in the past gives us the chance for new decisions. Do I want to continue with the same roles all my life or is it time for a change? How would my life look different if I allowed myself to choose new roles in life? What do I loose when I give up on a role and what will I gain?